Canceled Events, Spoiled Plans and Other Disappointments

COVID-19 has wreaked havoc with many peoples' plans.  The summer of 2020 and perhaps the fall and winter are full of unknowns.  One thing we can be sure of, though, is that large group gatherings are mostly prohibited and certainly not recommended.  Many of the usual summertime highlights- concerts, festivals, parties and large celebrations- have had to be scaled down, postponed or canceled.  How people react to these changes has a lot to do with their resilience or their way of managing through challenges. While there are no "right" or "wrong" ways to react and respond, there are ways that are healthier and more positive than others.  Healthy strategies all seem to include changing how one looks at the situation and attaching new meaning to the changed events.

Acknowledge your feelings.  Cry, talk, name your feelings, claim the emotions.  "I am so mad!", "I am broken-hearted." "This is so unfair!". All these feelings are valid, and they are yours to own.

Accept the fact that disappointment is part of life. Instead of asking, "Why did this happen to me?", say instead, "We had to cancel our wedding, and I am disappointed. What opportunities are there in this situation?" Shift your perspective, looking at the letdown from an angle of loss to a vantage point of possibility.

Allow yourself time to grieve, time to search, and time to think.  Letting go of what was supposed to be and grieving that loss will allow you to move on.

Attend to your feelings and channel your energy into positive action.  For example, if the graduation party you were throwing had to be scaled down or canceled, what can you do instead? Make a list of all the possibilities for celebrating this milestone.  Perhaps holding a small gathering for family and close friends would still be celebratory. Then donate the money that was saved to a cause near and dear to the person of honor's choice.  Looking for the greater purpose in the midst of crisis helps us to feel more at peace with our circumstances and allows positive action to flow.

Assess your actions, behaviors and emotional health as you move through times of disappointment and sudden change.  Make sure that what you are doing is pro-active and healthy. If you are spending more time feeling sad or angry, it may be time to seek help in dealing with these feelings.

Ask for help, it is a sign of strength.

While it is easy to say, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade", having the necessary utensils to make the lemonade is critical.  Make sure that your emotional toolbox is filled with skills and attitudes that foster healthy coping mechanisms during this time of change, frustration, and disappointment.