Self-regulation in Children: Skills for a Lifetime

Research tells us that the stages between infancy and early childhood are a critical time in the development of self-regulation. Although most children acquire self-regulation through positive early experiences, experts suggest that self-regulation is a skill that needs guidance or to be taught. With these concepts in mind, what can you do as a parent or caregiver to support self-regulation?

Children need adults to understand self-regulation

With a basic understanding of self-regulation, parents and caregivers can begin to look at their child's overall development to determine what may work.

Children need secure, attentive, nurturing, predictable adults

Infants and young children rely on predictable, nurturing care from adults in their lives. This relationship sets the foundation whereby children become aware that their needs are met; therefore, they can feel joy, comfort, and low levels of stress.

Tips for developing self-regulation skills

Along with meeting basic needs, try singing soothing songs to infants and young children. Spend snuggle time reading with toddlers and preschoolers. Incorporate eye contact, gentle touch, conversation, and listening. When you cannot get to a child's need right away, let her know that you hear her and will help her soon. "I hear you calling to me, Josephine. I'm busy checking the food on the oven, but I will come to you as soon as I'm done. Let's sing our turtle song while we wait."

Children need adults to understand temperament

Every child has his own unique way of "being." Temperament describes characteristics that are "hard-wired" or part of their basic genetic makeup. They are consistent in a child; however, they are shaped and influenced by the environment. It is important to understand your child's specific temperament and adjust yourself to that temperament. The nine temperament traits identified by researchers are generally grouped in 3 categories for children: easy; slow-to-warm-up; and difficult or feisty. Children (and adults) have one or a combination of these temperaments. Some temperaments may be different and more challenging to you. Reflect on your own temperament traits and how they interact with those of your child.

Tips on accommodating your child's temperament

Consider adjusting yourself, the environment, or the experience to fit with the child's temperament. For example, a very shy, quiet child may not like a lot of attention drawn to him with big "hellos" for the start of the day. These children are slow to adapt to a situation. Soften your voice and show a warm smile, key into his signals. Penn State Extension Better Kid Care, Understanding Temperament and Goodness of Fit, is a great resource to help you understand your own temperament as well as your child's.

Children need adults to understand the importance of "self-talk"

When you hear young children talking aloud or audibly (usually to themselves), this is a good sign that the play or experience is interesting to the child and not too frustrating. As children develop, they will use this type of self-talk silently.

Experts have noticed that children with self-control problems often don't display self-talk. This important private speech helps children communicate with themselves, connecting conscious thought (awareness and planning) that helps them work through problems of the day.

Tips to encourage self-talk

Prompt self-talk with your child by asking open-ended and problem-solving questions such as, "I need to have the color turquoise for my painting, but we don't have it. What should I do?" Also, talk aloud about what you are doing. "I'm going to have to stop playing and go wash the apples for snack. Then I'll have to cut them. I'll need to think about how many apples I will need. One, two, or three?"

As with most development, gaining self-regulation skills takes time. Everyone needs self-regulation as part of interaction with our family, friends, and community. How wonderful (and powerful) it is that parents and caregivers can contribute to a child's development of self-regulation by being well-attuned to their children, meeting their needs, and planning thoughtful times together.

References

Bodrova, E., & Leong, D. J. (2015). Vygotskian and Post-Vygotskian Views on Children's Play. American Journal of Play, 7(3), 371-388.

Fong, Vicki. 2007. "Self-regulation abilities, beyond intelligence, play major role in early achievement." Summary of article by Blair, C. and R. P. Razza in Child Development 78 (2). retrieved April 3, 2007 

Perry, Bruce D. "Self-Regulation: the Second Core Strength." Retrieved August 13, 2007

Adapted from Penn State Extension Better Kid Care Tip Sheet 11-5.Self-regulation: Searching intentional practices - Approaches (PDF). Revision by Jacqueline Amor-Zitzelberger.