BeTWEEN Families: Have a Family Meeting

The closure of schools and businesses due to COVID-19 has created upheaval for most families. If you have children between the ages of 10 and 14 you know that keeping them occupied and content can be challenging. By following this series, you will discover ideas and activities you can do with your rising teenager that are fun, increase resilience in youth, and build strong relationships in your family.

Family meetings are a good way for families to make plans, solve problems, and have fun together. Busy schedules of both parents and youth can make life a bit hectic.  Between work, school, and social activities, taking the time to sit down with the family and have a short meeting can make life run smoother.  It can also give everyone an opportunity to solve problems together and appreciate what is each family member's point of view.

It's important to start a family meeting on a positive note.  Find a comfortable place to gather and start by giving a compliment or a thank you to the person next to them.  It can be anything from the way they look, what they are wearing, or a skill they possess. 

Next, establish a set of Family Meeting Ground Rules to be used at every meeting.

Examples are:

• Start the meeting with compliments.
• Respect everyone's opinion.  No lectures or put-downs.
• Stay focused.
• Keep a list of decisions that are made.
• Summarize agreements.
• Keep meeting short.
• Check back during the next meeting to see if the agreements are working out.
• Keep trying.

Always have a calendar handy to mark everyone's needs.  After the ground rules are read, consult the calendar and markdown anything new or any changes.  Look back at the previous meeting's notes.  See what is working or what needs to be adjusted.

Family meetings are not just for problems. As a matter of fact, serious problems (child doing poorly in school or getting in trouble with the law, for example) should not be discussed with everyone, but rather separately with the people involved. Use the time to discuss special family projects, trips, or vacations. It's a good idea to end with some sort of treat the whole family can enjoy, like a snack or a game. Good luck with your family meeting!

This activity has been adopted from Iowa State University's Strengthening Families for Parents and Youth 10-14 (SFP 10-14) curriculum. SFP 10-14 is a multi-session family series that builds family cohesion and has been proven to reduce substance use in youth. Find out if your child's school is hosting SFP 10-14. For more information, contact your local Penn State Extension office.